The topic of browsing through a husband's phone has been branded a taboo for women.
Preachers, politicians, motivational speakers, men and even some women are often heard advising against touching a husband's phone "for peace to reign in the matrimony".
The recent advice by the Presidential Candidate for the 2023 elections under the banner of the NNPP, Senator Rabi'u Musa Kwankwaso to about 1,600 women married off under the Kano State mass Wedding scheme was clear enough - do not peep into your husband's phone.
“But I have one single (piece of) advice for you; that is checking spouses’ phones. Don’t peep (into) your spouses’ phones as that is the major cause of marriage breakup these days,” he said.
The advice or warning to women sounds very much like an encouragement for men not to be responsible.
Many times, it makes one wonder if keeping a happy, 'faithful' matrimony is the sole duty of the woman.
It makes one also wonder when will men begin to hear advice like, "Don't mess around" or "Stop being unfaithful".
Even Islam only allows for a man to take four wives; adultery and fornication are punishable by death (flogging for the unmarried fornicators).
Can't men be responsible for keeping their phones clean so there is nothing to find?
Is it normal to have dirty chats, nudes and exchanges of lovey-dovey messages when there is another at home?
Is it really that hard?
Jealousy is a trait in almost every living thing.
Though men are regarded as polygamous in nature, it does not help the fact that the women would always feel jealous of their rendezvous, especially if it involves sleeping around.
Many young women now resort to online platforms to cry out about how they are sure their husbands sleep around but do not know what to do, especially in s community where a divorcee is seen in an ugly light.
However, showing any sign of jealousy is seen as being irresponsible, not modern and deliberately working against the peace of her family.
She gets victimised, blamed, chastised, and frowned upon for being sad or angry at the slightest thought that a man she loves runs off after others.
Even in a legally polygamous home, the women are expected to act all cool and calm, possibly a reason why many lose their faith and turn to voodoo for quick action.
In the modern world, however, in addition to voodoo, women even resort to physical wrestling.
Though it is completely irrational to get into fistfights, it is also completely unnecessary to blame women for the whole thing, women do not need phones to know a cheating spouse!
Shema'u dates a married man in Kano and speaking casually, she narrated how she gets jealous of her man's wife, and even orders him not to travel with his spouse out of spite for what may happen between the legally married couple with kids.
According to her, the man respects her opinions in many cases and enjoys her jealousy. Funny, is it not? If the wife were to see the chat and act out, she would be tagged as irrational.
It seems here that what is good for the goose, is absolutely not good for the gander.
The blame and constant expectations of righteousness for the modern woman is making many evolve.
In some instances, this is good but bad in others as the woman becomes a shell, evolving the wrong way.
I have often heard women say "Stay for your children, even if you leave, another man may come along and the kids will suffer."
Others advise "The devil you know is better than the angel you do not." I never believed this saying had any sense though.
The modern woman seeing and feeling the subtle sexualisation, victimisation, many unrealistic expectations and sometimes bondage in the name of feminism, with but very few gratifications has decided to grow a skin thicker than an elephant's while resolving to thrive like a cactus in the driest of lands.
The modern woman now does not expect love but respect in a mutually beneficial union till death do them part in a world where she has to constantly not deal with her husband's phone.
The moment a woman focuses more on herself, it doesn't matter what the spouse does. But like many others, the advice remains the same; stay away from your husband's phone, do your part and focus on what makes you grow!