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  • Life - Wednesday Thrills
  • Updated: March 12, 2020

#WednesdayThrills: Seven And Counting: A Nigerian Girl's Relationship Travails

 

Relationships are an inherent part of human interaction, and they exist in variations: husband-wife, parents-children, etc. Whichever it is, the understanding that there exists a feeling of intimacy and a sense of relevance between you and someone is quite unrivaled and an undervalued concept.

While relationships could provide an extra spark to one's life, it is also within them to create dour moods, envy, mental inconsistency, and even enmity amongst hitherto inseparable people. And for others, an inability to find that one person that fills an important part of them could be really troubling. This week's edition of Wednesday Thrills is taken from the point of view of one lady that seems to have had her name etched in the black book of the narcissistic Mr. Relationship.

 

I don't know how many times you've been told this, but I still have to add mine, you are beauriful!
Lmao. Oh, please. Thank you, I was told the full moon was out the night of my birth.

Really? Cheii, see million-dollar smile nau. what can I do for my first child to have those teeth of yours? I'm not greedy, just one of my children.
Well, just so you know, these are not just any ordinary teeth. They come with the famous gap, so shikele money $3million should be enough. You already called it million dollar shey?

Just negodi. For local product? Carry your teeth and go, after all, Agbani no get gap teeth
Lmao. You're sure? Good things don't come easy. 

You know I was really hesitant about hitting you up earlier. Know why?
Oh really? I don't.  Do enlighten me.

Well, I reckoned my message would get lost amidst the tons of flirtatious messages you definitely receive every now and then 
Hahaha. Well, I can't deny that. But I try to give everyone an opportunity to reach me, because I don't know what their intentions are.

READ ALSO: #WednesdayThrills: Northern Nigeria: The Stereotypes And Realities

But wait o, one of the things that drew me to your inbox was your post advertising your singleness, how's that so? Even Adesua doesn't get close to your beauty.
Hahaha. This guy self. Do they teach you guys Rudiments of Teasing at your organization? Anyway, my dear, oyinbo no lie when they said all that glitters is not gold. I'm single, not really because of a lack of options, I'm just tired abeg

Lmao. Local man is murzed
Don't be yet. Till you hear the koko.

Tell me, how many relationships altogether have you been in? It cannot be one, I'm certain.
Definitely not, Nigerian guys gree let me rest? Well, some are relationships while others are situationships, if you know you know. Altogether, let's say above seven.

Ah. Wait fes, how old are you? And don't try to divert the question, cause I know you girls.
Hahahaha...Fine. I'll be 22 in a few months.

How have you been in more than seven relationships already at this stage of your life? Do you say yes to everybody that shows intention?
My dear, even me taya. This minute, I'm with someone and the next minute it's ending already. And no, I don't say yes to everyone. Give me some credit nau. 

Wait, did you actually go out on dates with those people? Or was it a comman see me in my house thingy?
Not really, I usually don't meet guys at their houses first, but most of them I went on dates first and others I skipped that and went to the house.

No time to check time abi.
Lol. Yes o. As e dey hot. 

What exactly do you look out for in a prospective partner before going to his house?
Uhmm, first, I'd have to be comfortable with you already and must have established some form of relationship or connection. Then, I would need to know your place is comfortable too, I can't visit someone that lives in a face-to-face. No offense, but I won't be comfortable neither do I have the strength to face anybody.

Okay. Let's remove the house. What do you look out for in a prospective partner?
OK. Well, I'm not gonna try and be all serious...

Try not to list all the letters of the Alphabet as part of your requirements too
Lmao. Stop johr. Okay, the first thing I'd look at or notice is good looks. 

(Rules self out)
Good looks is important. You don't have to be supermodel standard, but be well kept and groomed. Then good communication skills, a good listener, affectionate, easy to understand, good sense of humor, intelligent, good hygiene and a believer. You should believe in something, be a visionary, hard worker and lest I forget, romantic. I hope it's not too much?

Do you want to get all these in one person? The chances of you ending up a Single Sister Mary at 50 are very high though.
Lmao. Abeg, they are not too much jare

And what will you say you have to offer? I mean apart from your good looks.
Well, not to brag but I'm an awesome person. I also possess the qualities I listed above. Plus I would add my unconditional support to him as we help each other achieve our dreams.

What do you think was wrong with each of those relationships
Well, different things. Some were my fault, others were from the person. I would say I always expected too much though.

So you have lowered your expectations now? With what you listed up there?
Lmao. No comment.

What will you be doing differently in your next one?
I'm trying to work on myself so I don't just expect from my partner, but also be able to contribute. I'm also learning not to set unattainable standards, be less clingy, and not try to force my opinion, because I could be really self-opinionated.

What was the exciting thing about being in a relationship?
Having someone to call yours, the romantic moments, then a good support system. Plus the intimacy aspects.

Finish? I did not see money. Impossicant!
Hahaha. That falls under support system. Plus, romantic moments are facilitated by money; if you know, you know.

What was the weirdest thing any of your boyfriends asked or told you to do?
Uhmmm... Can't think of anything different, men usually ask the same things. Maybe one asking me to leave an event I just got to because it was getting late. Wait, there was one that was being so overprotective. He hacked into my WhatsApp account to read my chats with other guys, and trust, he found out he was walking on eggshells. 

And boom, next break up confirmed! Oshey!

Something is pushing me to ask one kain question. (winks)
(Smirks suspiciously) Ask at your own detriment.

Did you go down with all of these men?
Lmao. (Shakes head) No, some though.

So generally how were your sexual experiences like?
Lmao. Are we doing this?

(Straightens face)
Mennn... I'm concerned about body count, so I rarely go down past the kiss part

Are you looking for another relationship now? Or are you happily single?
I'm happily single. But won't mind if I'm intrigued

Just so you know, kissing is kinda my forte, and I'm very much single too. (winks sensually)
Hahaha. I'll keep that in mind

Like this? Check back next Wednesday by 12 pm (WAT) for another enthralling peek into the lives of random Nigerians.
 

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Walter Igboanu
Walter Igboanu

Walter is a spirited Nigerian seeking to make a mark on the country's socio-political climate th...

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